narcissm even in the baby dedication ceremonial thing

what the heck....
see how I posed myself in baby dedication time. Instead of trying to put the center into the baby. I posed like a hell there...

Ugly

Ugly by Constance Briscoe

Astonishing and captivating book. Love it. I would give this book a very high rate.

Basically the book is an autobiography. A story about a daughter, who was abused by her own mother for 19 years. She even named her ugly. She abused her in a way that I could not imagine a mom can do. Constance still has scares from the old day (all over her body, even knife marks, scars on head, breast, back, etc). She even left her starving alone in house. She gave her the same christmas present every year (she stole it and repackage it for the next year). New shoes, dress, ribbon, accesories, forget about those things. She never got those from her mom. But she stood up, working hard to reach her dream to become a barrister, which she made it.

An inspiring book although a bit sad, but still inspiring, motivating, and show that, in every darkness situation, there is always a ray of hope. The only thing who can stop you in getting out of the darkness is yourself. The only thing who can hinder you to achieve your dream is yourself.

Damn. I was reading too fast. I finished this book in 2 days (433 pages). And it was not even 2 days full reading, cause I have been only reading the book, while I am in the subway(tube) or in the bathroom. Sight there goes my money for only couple of hours reading. Nevertheless I enjoy the book. I have trained myself to read fast, due to my job and my time spare.... I can read books in a short time....

I was hearing this old song today. My goodness guess I am already old. hehehehe
I love the lyric. Not to hanging on from the past, the pain, the unhappiness. It is your choice to be buried inside the past, but you can also choose to let it go, to move on, unlock the chains, to start a new life.
Yes I've been hurt but I just move on. That might make some people think that I dont have a heart. Cause I don't want to be sad and to be stuck in the past. Life is too short to be spent like that.
May God bless you all, who are still live in the past. May God open your eyes to start living your life to the fullest.





I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Dont ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

Chorus:
Some day somebodys gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Dont you know?
Dont you know things can change
Thingsll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Thingsll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
Youve got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin your worries pass you by
Dont you think its worth your time
To change your mind?

(chorus)

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebodys gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Dont you know?
Dont you know things can change
Thingsll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Dont you know things can change
Thingsll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Wont you tell me now
Hold on for one more day cause
Its gonna go your way

Dont you know things can change
Thingsll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Cant you change it this time

Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on

never give up...

never give up
It's not over until I say so....

I don't have a heart?
could be
I take a distance in working life. Where my feeling and my heart will not influence my decision making process. Right is right, wrong is wrong. I hate if somebody lie. To make a wrong decision, make a mistake it is normal. But to lie. It's a big no no for me.

preparing for a workshop tomorrow.

I will be leading a quiet mixed of group tomorrow (multi nationalities). The goal is to build a solid team as well as build a common foundation for the team.

Will be difficult, a lot of challenges. But I am sure I can eat this thing till the end.

i am for Clinton

I know the hope is getting dimmer and dimmer for her. But she is still my lady.
She is bold, nor opportunistic and not racist. Sorry for Obama's people. I am for her, no matter what.

injured my back from sport.
Quiet annoying. Have to do less sport until the injury gone.

Now is already 4 days without sports. My body feeling a bit funny. But can not really do much at the moment. Even hurt like hell waking up from the bed. My shoulder spinned, twisted, arggghhh. Why do I do this funny sport. Yes I am a bit sport freak. Doing sport 4-5times a week to get rid of my stress and anger. Kind of anger management.
Will tell you all later about my sport. At the moment still a secret. :-D

Well i am posting a very nice music video from Cloud9 singing cover version from Beyonce's listen. Enjoy it....

what a day

my sister is missing in action.
I was so stressful loking for her around the world today. Went to her boyfriend's apartment, to her dorm. Calling a lot of people even the university, her friend, my friend, the information center. etc.
found out she is okay. Actually IN HOLIDAY WITH HER BOYFRIEND without telling me. I am going to blast her, when she come. :-D this naughty little creature....

more later. It is past midnight. I just came home drop death tired. Doing 3 hours sport to minimish my anger.

i am so fine!!!

What's Your Best Quality? Your Result: Personality   Your best quality is your personality! People like you because you are an all around good person. You have good manners and values. You also like to express your personal style and interests.
Ambitious
Loving
Sense of Humor
Intelligence
Out-Going
What's Your Best Quality? Take More Quizzes

just bear it with me. I am so in narcissism world today. :-D
I am such a fine guy. The most eligible guy on earth....

have to admit I have many free days this moment. So I can write and write and write as much as I want

narcissism

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

see now I am convinced that I am a total narcissistic guy. And I am so damn proud to be one of them. Although the disorder is not that high (there is still "very high" level, I am only high. Guess have to work more on that to achieve "very high" level). The good side, that is the only personality dissorder I have.

annoying girl

SHITTT....

I turned my head, saw a woman dress like a man, walked like a man, talked like a man. But I knew she was a woman, because her voice and her not hairy legs. Smooth. :-D

This woman complained the whole time. 2nd time when she tried to put her bike inside the subway. Oh yeah here we can take bike inside the subway. But let me describe what she wore, not whore. :-D black t-shirt with white undies (yes I did see it), black jeans but only until knees. Black sporty sunglasses.

Back to the complain drama. She is such a drama queen. She complained to difficult to put the bike in her first choice of place. Then she moved directly in front of me and put the bike between the seats (mine and hers). Then the bike started to slid. She complained. She opened her book, tried to write and complain again that it was too shaky (remember we were inside a subway), it was too loud, etc. I was like, should I leave this crazy pathetic loser to another seat. Then I decided to stay and turned my ipod louder. :-D

what an annoying girl.

complaining to herself all the time for what?

invited to a wedding today
my room is in a mess
need to do many things now

crazy thought for today

what about making some naked picture of myself hehehehehehe.
And publish them all over internet. My parents will kill me. hehehehehe
Artistic picture or kind of exhibitionist or other will think as phedophilia object. arggghhh.
Well naked body of a woman is beautiful. It is created as an art, to be marvelled and enjoyed. But man's body hehehehe. Well just naughty thought for today.
Yup I still remember when an old man thought that he can buy me and use me as sex object. Thinking I am phedopilia object due to that I look young. First I am not interested (not the sexual preference I have), and if I am interested, I will put a very high price. I am paid hourly here for my job and it is quiet expensive. hehehehe


Paul

new glasses

today I will pick up my new glasses. can't wait. I choose quiet expensive one. Because the insurance pay 70%. The more expensive, the more money I got as refund. So why not.
Every year I change my glasses now I have a lot of glasses which I can change whenever I want.
Sweet.....
Such a dork......
hehehehe

funny

my friends consider me as a very open and funny person, very active, and talks a lot.

people who only get in touch with me from a distance will think that I am arrogant..

people at work as friend think me as a very efficient, work faster than anyone even superman, ambitious, and always achieving the good things for the team. But as enemy they will think me of very dangerous, bitchy, can fight and bite, doesn't afraid to get in the way.

cars, LV bags, hugo boss suits, etc, etc

to be honest, some of people in my team driving nice car. I am not realy saying luxury, because this is depending on how you define it. But it is a bit funny because I am driving public transportation. hehehe. It is not because I am too stingy to buy a car. No I just sold my car. And in this city I live I don't need a car. Reason for me not to have car:
- I can reach any place with public transportation. Here is really great.
- I dont need to spin my head to find a parking lot. Really difficult here.
- taxes, very ugly thing at the moment.
- gasoline, very retard expensive (about 17000IDR/litre)
- parking space (monthly about 1.4 million IDR/month for garage and 25000IDR for a short time parking)
- I don't like to get "candid camera" photo due to over limit speed. I tend to drive quiet fast and this is very expensive.

Call me funny, but I like my comfortable area, where I only need to sit and read books in my between time....
As far as I know. Not to generalize Jakarta's people. They tend to show off. Showing what they have. What kind of cars, what kind of handbags, or what kind of trade mark they are using as shirt or so on. Well I do posses a lot of things like those (except handbags of course). But I don't wear thing to be shown. Like with embroilled big tag brand on the chest or shoulder. Sorry for me this is really out of the zone.

Come on people. You are who you are. You are not what you wear.

If you see me after office time you will be thinking: ah student or just a normal student wth no money. Cause I tend to wear normal t-shirts and bad jeans hehehehe. I don't care because I feel relaxed with this thing. I don't want to wear suit after office hour. what for.... I want people to like for I am, not for what I have.

Bali...

in a short I will be in my home country. Yuppie. Well it will be only a short couple of weeks. I will be travelling to Thailand & Indonesia (Jakarta, Bali, possibly Bandung or Jogja).
Been ashamed that I have travelled in a lot of countries (due to my job). But I haven't really travelled in Indonesia. The last time when I was in Bali, was 18 years ago. I was a small kid then.....I don't come from a rich family, actually we were just an average family (no car hehehe). Well we were not poor, because I have seen what poor is. I knew that we were not poor at all. But we were also not rich, so vacation or travelling we didn't have it in our mind, neither we expect to have that every year. We were in Bali cause we were travelling together with our other relatives in a minibus. That was tiring....
So this time I will be surely in Bali. Enjoying my time. And in Bangkok I lost my contact with my friends from the university (I was studying in an international university, that was awesome, will tell about this later). But I heard you can go shopping a lot of things there. That what I am planning to do there. In Jakarta I will have to meet many of my relatives, which mostly I don't really care about (only some of them I do care). Well they are not really nice people. They have been behaving nasty to my parents (due to that we were not rich or something like that). It is not to say that now we are rich. Not at all. We do doing quite well. All of us (me and my siblings) are doing really well. We dont have jaguar or porsche or things like that. But we are doing well. My parents are really proud of us.